New Year, Same Thoughts

I'm feeling a little lost. Probably not something I should be writing about on my first blog post, but I'm trying to start something new here. I created this blog as a way to help me navigate this new aspect of my life that I have always thought about doing. Some might ask, "Well, why don't you keep a journal instead of putting yourself out on the internet?" and to that I say "I do have one, but thanks for the suggestion".

I'm not crazy enough to give all my secrets out to the internet. No, this is for me to talk about talk about things that other people might relate to. For instance, how it is a brand new year in the Earth's 4.5 billion year life, and I still feel lost, confused, and not really feeling like a "new me".

Where did this idea of becoming a new person at the start of a new year come from? Why did we all collectively decide that January 1st was the day to make a change? I could chalk it up to some historical reason that this day has evolved into what we now celebrate as New Years, but it's January 9 and I still feel as lost as I did December 31.

Why am I feeling lost you may ask? Well, in the now third year of the covid-19 pandemic, I can't imagine where I will be in the future. It used to be so certain. After graduating college I would get a job, make some money, maybe go to graduate school, advance in my career, and start living my life. This pandemic has completely warped this aspiration that I once had that making any sort of plans now feels like an unattainable dream. However, it doesn't stop me from making plans and dreaming of life after covid.

My current status in life isn't as different as the one I dreamt of. Instead of a getting a job after graduating college, I went straight to graduate school. Something that everyone assures me will pay off in the future. This doesn't stop me from having my doubts. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally going to finish and get my degree but as the uncertainty of the pandemic continues, the stress about finding a job and being "qualified" continue to plague my dreams. Mostly they revolve around the thoughts of "Am I making the right decision?", "Should I have listen to my parents and gotten a 'useful' degree?", "Am I going to be able to find a job when this is all over?". Just the usual stuff of course. So cheers to a new year of all the same worries I had last year!